Read the sentences below (source: Sentence Combining by William Strong). Rewrite into fewer sentences or a paragraph that clearly communicates the same information but in a more concise manner. You may combine sentences in same grouping and/or combine cluster groups, i.e. '3' sentences with '4'
sentences.
Please leave original sentences intac; put your revision below.
1.1 The moment of truth arrived.
1.2 Max had felt raw panic.
2.1 He stood atop the bungee tower.
2.2 He flet a jackhammer in his chest.
3.1 His mind screamed one repeated thought.
3.2 "What am I doing here!"
4.1 Far below was the parking lot.
4.2 Car windows glinted in the sun.
5.1 Traffic streamed by on the highway.
5.2 A small plane droned in the distance.
6.1. Max squeezed his eyes shut.
6.2 Max wished he'd never accepted the date.
7.1 "You're eighteen, " he told himself.
7.2 "Your're going to die," told himself.
8.1 Then suddenly he was weightless.
8.2 He was falling headlong toward earth.
Amy, Finally found it!
Max had felt raw panic as the moment of truth arrived. He stood atop the bungee tower, and he flet a jackhammer in his chest. His mind screamed one thought, "What am I doing here!" Far below was the parking lot. Car windows glinted in the sun as traffic streamed by on the highway, and a small plane droned in the distance. Max squeezed his eyes shut and wished he'd never accepted the date. "You're eighteen and You're going to die, " he told himself. Then suddenly he was weightless and falling headlong toward the earth.
Hi mom. This is me editing the wiki page <3
Max had felt raw panic, he felt a jackhammer in his chest as he stood atop the bungee tower. The moment of truth had arrived and his mind screamed one repeated thought. "What am I doing here!" Traffic streamed by on the highway, car windows glinted in the sun, a small plane droned in the distance, and far below was the parking lot. Max wished he'd never accepted the date and squeezed his eyes shut. "You're eighteen," he told himself, then suddenly he was weightless, falling headlong toward earth; "You're going to die."
KWeiss - OK, here goes nothing. Spare the all too nerve-wracking red pen please. LOL
Max felt raw panic, as the moment of truth arrived. Standing atop the bungee tower, a jackhammer pounded in his chest. "What am I doing here!?" screamed his brain repeatedly.
Traffic streamed by on the highway as car windows glinted in the parking lot far below and a small plane droned in the distance. Max squeezed his eyes shut as he wished he had never accepted this date. "You're eighteen and you are going to die, " he told himself. Suddenly, he was falling weightless and headlong toward the earth.
sentences.
Please leave original sentences intac; put your revision below.
1.1 The moment of truth arrived.
1.2 Max had felt raw panic.
2.1 He stood atop the bungee tower.
2.2 He flet a jackhammer in his chest.
3.1 His mind screamed one repeated thought.
3.2 "What am I doing here!"
4.1 Far below was the parking lot.
4.2 Car windows glinted in the sun.
5.1 Traffic streamed by on the highway.
5.2 A small plane droned in the distance.
6.1. Max squeezed his eyes shut.
6.2 Max wished he'd never accepted the date.
7.1 "You're eighteen, " he told himself.
7.2 "Your're going to die," told himself.
8.1 Then suddenly he was weightless.
8.2 He was falling headlong toward earth.
Amy, Finally found it!
Max had felt raw panic as the moment of truth arrived. He stood atop the bungee tower, and he flet a jackhammer in his chest. His mind screamed one thought, "What am I doing here!" Far below was the parking lot. Car windows glinted in the sun as traffic streamed by on the highway, and a small plane droned in the distance. Max squeezed his eyes shut and wished he'd never accepted the date. "You're eighteen and You're going to die, " he told himself. Then suddenly he was weightless and falling headlong toward the earth.
Hi mom. This is me editing the wiki page <3
Max had felt raw panic, he felt a jackhammer in his chest as he stood atop the bungee tower. The moment of truth had arrived and his mind screamed one repeated thought. "What am I doing here!" Traffic streamed by on the highway, car windows glinted in the sun, a small plane droned in the distance, and far below was the parking lot. Max wished he'd never accepted the date and squeezed his eyes shut. "You're eighteen," he told himself, then suddenly he was weightless, falling headlong toward earth; "You're going to die."
KWeiss - OK, here goes nothing. Spare the all too nerve-wracking red pen please. LOL
Max felt raw panic, as the moment of truth arrived. Standing atop the bungee tower, a jackhammer pounded in his chest. "What am I doing here!?" screamed his brain repeatedly.
Traffic streamed by on the highway as car windows glinted in the parking lot far below and a small plane droned in the distance. Max squeezed his eyes shut as he wished he had never accepted this date. "You're eighteen and you are going to die, " he told himself. Suddenly, he was falling weightless and headlong toward the earth.